Dear Home Office, We’re Through

This is the first installment in a series called Breakup Letters. Each article features a firsthand point of view of someone breaking up with some aspect of work or professional life.

Dearest home office,

The time has come to end our relationship.

You’ve been there for me through the thick and thin. The endless nights of working late on projects. The early 2am calls with my client’s IT team over in Germany. And, yes, you’ve even been there for me while I was sick with a 100+ degree fever and had to make that deadline.

But that’s all over now. I’m breaking up with you.

I’m moving on to a better place. A place that I can use solely for work. A place where I can have that real face time with my co-workers. A place where I can leave those late night projects until the next day. An actual office, not a converted craft room — which is really what you are and were meant to be.

There are a lot of reasons I had to leave you, but here are the main ones.

You’re too clingy.

Home office, you need to get a life. Your attitude for stalking me at all hours of the day and night, frankly pisses me off. I can’t get away from you. I wake up – you are there. I’m trying to go to bed – you are there. In fact, you’ve been sleeping in my bed way too much and I want it back. I prefer to sleep alone, or at least with a person who loves me and not something that works me to death.

My wardrobe has become a fashion nightmare.

Yes, home office, you have been great in many ways. You’ve allowed me to take phone calls in my robe. You’ve allowed me to work while wearing a muddy face mask. And yes, you’ve even allowed me to work in the buff. But, it’s time for this fashion nightmare to end. I miss wearing actual clothes.

Now is the time to really test out my sense of fashion. To put on those fancy new heels I found on sale. To dawn my fabulous cocktail ring that I just made. To wear that glorious skirt that really shows off my ass. I miss being a girl that wears something other than my yoga clothes.

It all about the people.

According to Harvard Business Review, a face-to-face request is 34 times more successful than email. And frankly, I’m over email. The real value of being in an office environment is that one-on-one connection with your coworkers that you only get through IRL communication.

In my new relationship, I’m loving being able to turn around to my coworkers and chat. I can even shoot-the-shit without needing to make a meeting invite. I know – shocker- right? I can brainstorm new ideas with them on a whiteboard. And, we can even build lasting relationships by going out for lunch or after-work drinks to learn more about each other.

I’m sorry, home office, but I’ve found a better working environment.

And last but not least, I’m erasing you from my life. Time for you to become my craft room, once again!